rhonda mccoy

This is from a Caring Bridge update that I did in September after our family had returned from a retreat for families facing pediatric cancer. I happen to be wearing my Blue Skies t-shirt today and was just thinking again what an awesome ministry it is. If you have the opprtunity to do something like this, I encourage you to do so! You will be blessed as a volunteer, and if you are a guest as we were, you will be cared for beyond your belief!

Last night we got home from a 4 day retreat for families facing pediatric cancer. I knew it sounded good when I first read about it, but I had no idea that “good” wouldn’t even begin to describe it!
As most of you know, we have had a lot of changes in the past few years. We became pastors of a church 5 years ago, I quit my profession of 22 years 3 years ago, and a few months later, we became parents for the first time through foster care. A year ago this month, adoptions were final on our 3 baby girls, and 2 months later began the journey we are now on with Charlie’s LCH. 

Charlie just completed 13 weeks of chemo and we were given the ok to go to maintenance which is chemo every 3 weeks, with a daily chemo pill added. About this same time, we made the decision to resign from our church.  Transitions are usually bittersweet, as is this one.

Needless to say, we have a lot of major life changes going on! So, when we pulled in to the resort Thursday night, we were hoping for a few days of a change of scenery, maybe meet some new people, and let our girls just have fun. We did not expect to be greeted by a sweet teenager with a smile, whose first words to us were “Are you the McCoy’s? YAY, the McCoy’s are here!” I thought I recognized her, and then realized it was from a video in which she had talked about how much Blue Skies had meant to their family as her 3 year old sister fights cancer.  She was at this retreat as a volunteer. That was my first clue as to the heart behind this ministry.

We were soon introduced to our host family. I didn’t even know we would have a host family! Jennifer and her precious daughter Waverly showed us to our beautiful “room”.  It reminded me of a penthouse apartment. There were several people that just appeared from everywhere, helping to unload the van, get us settled, blow up mattresses, give us welcome gifts, hand us a gift card to Piggly Wiggly for breakfast food, offer to go the store for us, etc. I was told that our laundry would be done each day, and they would clean up for us. Ok, so I was getting a little choked up by now.  Ummm…wow.

The next morning, we made our way down to the beach for morning devotions that had already started. I saw another familiar face, a smile, and a wave, as Dixie motioned for us to sit on her blanket.  Dixie is mom to precious Bayleigh, who is still in treatment. Dixie was at this retreat to serve. Wow again, and more tears. There were already people getting up to go run after the girls so we could sit and just breath. Listen. Breath. Relax. Bask in the peacefulness of the sound of the ocean, God’s word, and His presence.

After that, a bunch of other kind souls took our girls for the rest of the morning, to play in the pool and playground while we went to our first Kindred Journeys. What a perfect name for this group. While the 11 other families there all have different stories from each other, we all have a common bond of facing childhood cancer or life threatening illness. We heard the painful stories of diagnosis, the shock, the loneliness, the treatments, the chemo, the isolation, the relapse, the weariness, the faith, the loss of faith, the fight, the resilience, and most of all the perspective of what is really important in life.

We shared stories, our hearts, and tears, and were led by Pastor Brad and his wife Amanda who also had been in the seat that we all sat in that morning. By the time our session was over, and it was time to head to lunch, I had already begun to relax. Jennifer had told me that while we went to lunch , she would bring our girls up to the room and put them down for a nap. Ok, now I am thinking….. how I can get her to come home with us???!!

After a wonderful seafood lunch waterfront, we made our way back to walk into a clean condo, humming from the dryer, and our babies all asleep on the bed. We were told on the way back that our host family is known as “The Baby Whisperers”. Indeed!!

We ended the day with steak dinners by the pool, games, and chocolate shakes, and thoughtful little gifts and notes left in our room for the girls, by our host family. Sigh…..

The next 2 days were just as amazing. We felt like we were and instant family with the other guests and volunteers.

We learned that it’s ok to cry in front of 20 other adults. It’s ok to say what we really want to say but have been storing away in our heart…some for months, some for years. It’s ok to let our kids run wild in the rain.

We learned that “God has your back, even when you don’t feel Him.” We learned that one of the most beautiful things is when a girl who has lost her sight to a brain tumor stands and dances without abandon to the crowd singing “I’ll Fly Away”. 

We learned to not say goodbye, but instead “see you later”. To all those who made it possible for our family to be on the receiving end of this retreat, we cannot thank you enough. Charlie is doing great, and her, Dakota and Addison had a ball! Our hearts are so full.  You were the hands and feet of Jesus. To our new friends, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, on this journey with us, you are in our thoughts and prayers!

To all of the brave kids that are still in this fight, you are our heroes. We loved laughing with you, hugging you, walking on the beach and getting to know you. You are loved by so many people. Nothin’ but blue skies from now on, sweet ones……:-)

 About 3 weeks ago, my sister-in-law Anna, from Arizona came to stay for a few days. It was so nice to have her around. She went with me to Children’s for Charlie’s chemo treatment. I was reminded of my first few times in Clinic 8. Some days your eyes immediately fill with pain and tears as you wait. Sometimes it just physically hurts your heart. This was one of those days.

Charlie was the brave little princess as usual. She barely flinched when they accessed her port. Her counts were good, so she had her Vinblastine and we were on our way.

I spoke with Dr. Watts about us moving and found out that the process of changing hospitals was MUCH easier than I had thought. I smiled inside as I scolded myself once again. Why do I worry so much about things when 99.9% of the time it proves to be unwarranted? He then said that we were free to take a little extension and come back in 5 weeks instead of 3. This is allowing us to enjoy some much needed rest and rejuvenation with family.

Everett flew to India a few days ago. Yes, India…not Indiana. This is his 18th trip and I am so glad he had the opportunity to go. God has a way of working things out just in time. In HIS time. I am spending time with my brother and his family in Northern Virginia while Everett is away. It’s been so nice to be with family and old friends from when we lived here. It just so happened the church we used to attend here was having a women’s conference called Quench this week. The theme was “It’s Time To Dance”. It was basically about dancing in the midst of trials and storms of life. So very fitting for what we have been through as of late.

They asked if I would tell Charlie’s story and then sing. I was so grateful to have the opportunity to share about her journey with LCH. I found myself talking more about what we have dealt with and how we get through, than actually explaining the disease itself. I think for those of you who have a child who fights each day against cancer and life threatening illness, or perhaps it is you that is in the fight of your life, “dealing” with it is the hardest part.

I read posts daily from people who have lost hope, are angry at the disease, and just wish they had the old “normal” back. A song that has been a favorite for years is This Too Shall Pass by Yolanda Adams. During the early days of Charlie’s diagnosis, I listened to it over and over to flood my mind with fact when my emotions wanted to run wild with all of the “what it’s?”.  Today, I sang that song after sharing her journey so far.

Afterwards, several people talked with me about what they were going through, and Charlie’s story had encouraged them…given them hope.

Charlie baby, thank you for being to trusting in the Arms of your Heavenly Father, and showing the world what faith is. You lifted the load of people whom you may never meet. One day you will tell your story. I have a feeling God has incredible things in your future. You planted seeds of hope today in hearts watered with tears. God is amazing…never forget that! As mama was telling your story upstairs, you were placing your tiny hand on a paper that had one of your life scriptures on it. “I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. Psalm 139:14

To anyone reading this who feels like giving up, or thinks the situation you are in will never end, or there is no solution, please remember. YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. The same God you made you, will sustain you.

Tonight as I sit here thinking of the past few years, I am reminded of a favorite quote.  “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

In just a few weeks, we will load up the last box, glance around the house a last time, pull out of our driveway with Veggie Tales playing instead of Jazz, and head off into our future.

As I listen to the rain softly falling, it just reminded me of our early days here. The first weekend we came to visit, it rained. (I LOVE rain!) A few weeks later, driving around looking for apartments…it rained. The first day we looked at our house together, it was raining. I remember thinking God was giving me rain on special days just because He knew how much I liked it.

I remember pulling into town after driving from Arizona with just a U-Haul trailer behind us. It was a chilly January night, and we backed down into a steep (for this northern girl) driveway, and were warmly welcomed into the house of two people we had barely known. I remember being introduced to cornbread without sugar, Full Moon BBQ, O’Carr’s, “meat and three’s”, and Milo’s…the sweetest tea ever!

I remember having casual Sunday afternoon dinners with friends that would last for hours. I remember sitting in Friday night traffic headed out on 280 to have fajitas at Superior Grill.

 I remember at my job interview, the whole staff met me in the conference room and all went around and introduced themselves. Then I had to tell a bit about myself, but was not prepared for their next question:  ”So, are you for Alabama or Auburn”?  I ended up saying that I would be for whoever bought me a sweatshirt first.  Roll Tide!!

I remember hearing about how beautiful the Alabama and Florida panhandle beaches were. Nothing could have prepared me for Rosemary Beach. I have no desire for Cancun, Hawaii, or anywhere else….Rosemary Beach is the “happy place” I go to in my mind, even though I almost ruined a half gallon of perfectly smooth frozen vanilla yogurt one night! (Long story!)

I remember the hearing “Sweet Home Alabama” sung at women’s conference, and watched in amazement as the group of 10,000 women almost had revival right there in the BJCC!  The band had laughed and said afterwards that if they knew this is what it would have taken to get all the women to their feet, they would have sang it earlier in the worship service!

I remember being delighted at the new people that started to come to church. Our church family was growing. I remember crying with a mom who had to lay her little newborn baby girl to rest. I remember Everett delivering one of the best eulogy’s I have ever heard at her memorial service.

I remember making the decision to quit work so that we could pursue our lifelong dream of becoming foster and/or adoptive parents. I remember my heart pounding when I received the first call that a baby needed a  temporary home. I remember taking her back to her mom after a week, and walking out with my arms empty, but my heart so full.

I remember the hugs from new friends. I remember using text messaging for the first time. I remember running my first 5K. I remember watching my dear friend say goodbye to her beloved. I remember sobbing into my pillow  and talking to God that night.

I remember sitting in Panera at Patton Creek and getting a call about a 5 month old baby named Dakota. I remember falling in love with her from the moment she looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I remember 6 weeks later, getting another call about a newborn baby girl…just 3 days old…I remember telling the social worker yes, and precious Addison won our hearts! And then another 7 months down the road, I remember sweet Charlie being placed in my arms at 2 weeks old. I remember thinking….wow….it may be months before I sleep through the night again!!!!!!

I remember God sending people into my life that would drop their plans and schedule to step in and help out with the other babies when Addison was hospitalized for RSV. I remember making it through RSV and getting released to go home, only to have her fall out of the hospital crib, right onto her head! Thankfully, she was just fine, although I needed to be sedated at that point.

I remember missing my family so much I would cry myself to sleep. I would long for just a trip to Wal-mart with my Mom. I remember how glad I was to discover Facebook and be able to send pictures, and communicate at a new level with family and friends. I remember loading up all 3 babies and driving…yes driving, all the way to Arizona to spend our first Christmas in five years with family.

I remember a couple of months later, at a follow-up appointment while feeding Charlie apple juice and cheez-its, I heard the initials ‘LCH” for the first time. I remember texting my husband and numbly pushing her stroller to the next clinic down the hall to meet with the head of oncology. I remember words like chemo, biopsy, bone marrow aspirate, rare, port, relapse. I remember crying while walking out of the hospital. I remember holding her really tight before I put her back in her carseat for the drive home.

I remember our church family who came together for us in prayer. I remember meeting some of the kindest, most generous hearts that were also connected with childhood cancer and disease. I remember rejoicing although she was hospitalized again, that after 6 weeks, her new scans looked much better!

I remember a few weeks ago knowing in my heart that it was time to close a chapter of our lives here. I remember the feeling that was so bittersweet. There are some sweet souls who have sustained me. I will miss your gentle nature, your giving hearts, your selflessness, our coffee time, Mocha Frappes, prayer time, breakfasts, Bo-berry biscuits, Edgar’s cupcakes, and lunches. My girls will miss your hugs. I will miss your friendship. I will miss worshipping with you each week.

As I sit here and the house is so quiet…just the falling rain and some classical music, I can’t help but think that God gave me this night too that will be one of those times that “I remember…”. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to keep as a remembrance in my heart. I have so much to tell my girls as they grow up about this beautiful place of hills, tall pine trees, rivers, red dirt, and crape myrtles. This place we now call home. This place where we became a family of five.  This place that has some of the kindest people I know. This place that I will always remember…..and will “smile because it happened”.