Yesterday afternoon, Charlie Grace and I pulled into the now very familiar parking deck at Children’s Hospital. We were here to get the results from her lung biopsy that was done about a week and a half ago. I have to be honest. I really and truly expected more of the same. “Negative, negative, negative”.
So, the doctor comes in and asks me how much they had told me when we were discharged from hospital a week before. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound promising. She then tells me that Charlie has been tested positive for a condition called Histiocytosis, and then sums it up by saying “its’s not really cancer, but treated like it, with chemo, etc”. We are to get yet more blood work, and then see the oncologist down the hall.
We grabbed our yogurt, bag of Sun Chips and pretzels, and headed to the lab. It was there that I once again had a glimpse of love. As I have mentioned before, Charlie doesn’t do well with getting her blood drawn. She has very tiny veins that love to collapse. This time, I decided to say to her over and over a phrase from a song I made up and sing to her a lot. So I am saying “Happy girl, good girl”, and through her screams and tears, she cries out “Happy dirl, dood dirl!” I just squeezed her closer and said “yes, baby you are a good, good girl and it’s gonna be ok!!”
Later on, while driving down the interstate, I would cry out to God, and it probably sounded to Him a bit like Charlie’s cry to me. Full of anguish, a little hard to understand, but you know what? He understood and at that moment, I felt Him squeeze me just a little tighter and say…it’s gonna be ok!!
I love how God lets the little things, the ordinary, become so monumental just when we need it. Yesterday was full of ups and downs emotionally. Last night I was lying down with Dakota, our 2 and half year old, and thought she had fallen asleep. Thoughts from the day took over and with my mind and body being weary, I began to cry. It was then I felt her stir. She reached over and put her arm around my neck and said 3 precious words…. “Pray…Mommy sad”, and then leaned over and gave me the sweetest kiss on my cheek.
I am thankful for the moments when fear fades, and is replaced with hope. I am now living out the words of a famous phrase. Love conquers all. It really does. It was love that saw 3 beautiful little girls, picked us out to be their mommy and daddy, and put within us the strongest love you can imagine.
Dearest Dakota, Addison, and Charlie Grace….these days are a little topsy turvy, but know that we love you more than we will ever be able to express. You have a Heavenly Father whose love for you makes ours pale in comparison. So never fear, baby girl, love always has and always will conquer all.
“You have taught children and infants to tell of Your strength, silencing your enemies and all who oppose you“. Psalm 8:2 (Thank you to my brother David for sending this scripture…)