rhonda mccoy

Today we went in for Charlie’s 5th week of Chemo. I have to say that little Charlie girl is SO smart and is getting used to all of the poking, proding, stretching, cold tables, blood pressure cuffs, “noodles” coming out of her chest, and the list goes on. The nurses each week comment that they cannot believe she doesnt make a sound when they access her port. She is a brave, brave girl.

Dr. Watts had ordered a chest x-ray today, just to see how she is doing. I was dreading this because it took 3 people to hold her down for it last time. She actually layed on the x-ray table and immediately put her hands over her head! The only other time she puts her hands over her head is to say “Hooray” or “Hallelujah”! About 1 minute later, we were done!

Dr. Watts met with us later and said that instead of going to the maintenance protocol in 2 weeks, we would most likely be repeating the initial phase of 6 weekly chemo treatments again, just because of her lung involvement, and other organs. He then said 4 beautiful words in regards to her chest x-ray today…..”It cleared up some”! That was music to my ears. The lungs are one of the slowest organs to show healing!

God, You amaze me! I thank You for guiding the doctors, the researchers, the nurses, the lab techs. I thank you for placing this passion on their hearts. I thank You for Your Word that declares Charlie’s healing. Thank You for using a sweet 18 month old angel to bring smiles to so many sad faces at the hospital today.

Thinking back to Charlie’s x-ray, I think she knew…. it was her first “Look at me, Momma!” Hooray!! Hallelujah!!

Last week we got the ok to travel up to Indiana for my niece Brittany’s wedding. It was a great time and Charlie had so much fun playing with aunts, uncles, cousins, Nana and Papa, and friends of Mommy and Daddys!! I have tried to be so cautious about her being exposed to alot of kids at once, as to keep her from catching a cold or virus.

Would you know the second night we were there, her own two sisters were up all night vomiting and with fevers!!!! Charlie slept through it all, never got sick, and when we got home and had her fourth treatment on Monday, all of her counts were good!! Thank you Jesus, for your Hand of protection!

Dr. Watts said he wants Charlie to have a chest x-ray this Monday, “just to see where we are”. I am hoping, praying and believing that “where we are” is the at the beginning of many “Miracle Mondays” to come!

I have been unusually anxious (not directly about Charlie) lately, and I am refusing to allow discouragement take up residence here. I read a womens devotional yesterday, which happened to be on the topic of becoming who God wants you to be. We often get lost in doing for others and pleasing everyone else, we forget to ask God who HE wants us to be. He had a plan in mind when He made each one of us. For me…I always wanted to be a mom. I am thanking God today for the opportunity to be mommy to 3 fabulous little girls!

The scripture that went with yesterdays devotion was…”I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

This is the scripture that I had written in colorful magic marker and stickers and hung on the wall at the end of Charlie’s bed while she was in the hospital. What a great reminder that He has it all in control.

Sweet Charlie, you were WONDERFULLY made!!!!

Thank you to all of you who have prayed, supported, cried with us, sent cards, made phone calls, and given hugs. We love you all!

Flying Pacifiers

Charlie had her second chemo treatment last Monday, and she did great! We recieved a bit of bad news at the visit. The results from her biopsy the week before showed that she also has LCH in her bone marrow. We are to continue with the treatments as the protocol recommends, and at the 6 week mark, will repeat all scans and another bone marrow biopsy. At that point, if changes need to be made, we will find out then.

This news had the potential to freak me out a bit, but a heart to heart with my patient husband helped me out. Bottom line. We knew Charlie needed a miracle. She still does. That hasn’t change. There is no need to worry. It does nothing to solve, heal, restore, or uplift. So we pray…and we follow the doctors advice…and we wait for our miracle.

Charlie is doing great with her treatments! She had her third one today. Blood counts are good! The only side affect we notice is she is cranky and strong willed. We were told its the Prednisone. Thank you Prednisone, for making my sweeter than icing little girl into pickle juice! It’s not really that bad, but today at clinic, she was throwing pacifiers, sippy cups, and slapped the nurses hand when she was doing vitals. Oh, my dear Charlie….this will get better, I promise!

After her treatment, we went for Chinese food, and her fortune cookie read “Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up.”

How fitting. For my fellow Alabamians suffering from the recent storms…keep your chin up. Our precious baby girl Charlie….keep your chin up. We love you and you are the bravest fighter I know!

When I hear the words “life is a journey”, I usually think of a slow, lazy trip that one is taking with interesting little twists and turns along the way.  Our journey as of late has been like being stuck on the Verrazano Bridge at 5:30 pm with no A/C in the middle of July, with hungry kids screaming in the backseat, my Diet Coke all gone, a migraine, and the gas tank pushing well below “E”. I think you have the picture!

It’s not really that bad, to be honest. But I think to best describe it, we are just walking.  One foot in front of the other…the cool down, so to speak.  I thought I would try to keep everyone updated on Charlie’s journey, by keeping up blog entries when there has been a new development or change in plan, etc.

We want to thank each and every one of you for your many, many prayers, concerns, talks, listening ears, wisdom, and most of all just being there. The one thing we have learned in such a short time these past few weeks is that there is still a lot of good in this world. There are compassionate eyes, and open arms. There are shoulders that still do not mind if you cry on them. There are strangers who become close to your heart in an instant.

Yesterday,  Charlie has her skeletal survey done. Basically, a full body x-ray to look for any holes or lesions in her bones. We later met with her oncologist, Dr. Watts, at Children’s Hosptial here in Birmingham.

He informed us that the gum lesion that was biopsied in December had been re-evaluated and it was also LCH (Langerhans Cell Hystiocytosis). He then let us know that there were at least one, and maybe 2 holes that showed up on her skull from the skeletal survey. These three things combined put her in the “Multi-site, high risk” category.” Multi-site”, because of all 3 locations, and “high risk” because of a major organ (lung) involvement.

He explained the recommended treatment (combination of steroids and IV Chemo) which is a national protocol that all of the doctors follow when treating LCH. We were all in agreement to wait a couple of weeks, repeat the Chest CT, and a full Head CT. He is recommending we start the treatment at that time.

We know that the God we serve is a Healer! Please continue to hold our precious Charlie in your prayers. God will get the glory, regardless of which way the road twists or turns in the days ahead. No matter what path our feet walk down, God will have gone before us, paving the way.

His Hand will be evident. His Arms will be constant. His “Grace” will be sufficient.

Yesterday afternoon, Charlie Grace and I pulled into the now very familiar parking deck at Children’s Hospital. We were here to get the results from her lung biopsy that was done about a week and a half ago. I have to be honest. I really and truly expected more of the same. “Negative, negative, negative”. 

So, the doctor comes in and asks me how much they had told me when we were discharged from hospital a week before. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound promising. She then tells me that Charlie has been tested positive for a condition called Histiocytosis, and then sums it up by saying “its’s not really cancer, but treated like it, with chemo, etc”. We are to get yet more blood work, and then see the oncologist down the hall.

We grabbed our yogurt, bag of Sun Chips and pretzels, and headed to the lab. It was there that I once again had a glimpse of love. As I have mentioned before, Charlie doesn’t do well with getting her blood drawn. She has very tiny veins that love to collapse. This time, I decided to say to her over and over a phrase from a song I made up and sing to her a lot. So I am saying “Happy girl, good girl”, and through her screams and tears, she cries out “Happy dirl, dood dirl!” I just squeezed her closer and said “yes, baby you are a good, good girl and it’s gonna be ok!!”

Later on, while driving down the interstate,  I would cry out to God, and it probably sounded to Him a bit like Charlie’s cry to me. Full of anguish, a little hard to understand, but you know what? He understood and at that moment, I felt Him squeeze me just a little tighter and say…it’s gonna be ok!!

I love how God lets the little things, the ordinary, become so monumental just when we need it. Yesterday was full of ups and downs emotionally.  Last night I was lying down with Dakota, our 2 and half year old, and thought she had fallen asleep. Thoughts from the day took over and with my mind and body being weary, I began to cry. It was then I felt her stir. She reached over and put her arm around my neck and said 3 precious words…. “Pray…Mommy sad”, and then leaned over and gave me the sweetest kiss on my cheek.

I am thankful for the moments when fear fades, and is replaced with hope. I am now living out the words of a famous phrase.  Love conquers all. It really does.  It was love that saw 3 beautiful little girls, picked us out to be their mommy and daddy, and put within us the strongest love you can imagine. 

Dearest Dakota, Addison, and Charlie Grace….these days are a little topsy turvy, but know that we love you more than we will ever be able to express.  You have a Heavenly Father whose love for you makes ours pale in comparison. So never fear, baby girl, love always has and always will conquer all.

“You have taught children and infants to tell of Your strength, silencing your enemies and all who oppose you“. Psalm 8:2 (Thank you to my brother David for sending this scripture…)

Almost 2 weeks ago, on a Monday morning, our 16 month old daughter Charlie and I made our way to Children’s hospital for some blood tests. We had gone in the week before for a CT scan of her jaw to make sure a small cyst that had been removed in December was in fact still gone. It was ok, but because she is tiny, part of her lungs showed up in the image. There was concern as there appeared to be spots in the top of both lungs. This caused the radiologist to call the surgeon to call our pediatrician who called us. (Whew! Lots of calls made that day!) We needed to go to see a Pulmonary doctor at Children’s.

So…back to our Monday morning. Here we are getting blood tests as a preliminary to our appointment on Friday. About an hour and a half of waiting, and nap time, by the way, we were finally called back. Charlie looks over at the empty vials and starts crying. I guess she remembered the collapsed vein from a couple of weeks back.  Ok, not a good start. 7 vials to get today!  For 10 minutes I sang Elmo’s Song, ABC’s, Jesus Loves Me….you name it! I am holding this child so tight, and let me tell you, she was fighting!! I glance over to see…..no blood coming out. Great, another collapsed vein.  We move to the other arm, and the wailing, twisting and fighting begins. It was then that a song from years back came to mind and I started singing in her ear “I Feel Jesus….I feel Jesus…I feel Jesus in this place….”. I was almost shocked at how still Charlie became. She just laid her head back on me, and rested for 10 minutes as they continued to draw blood. She rested!  With her tears and my tears flowing….I sang and she listened. It was a God moment if I have ever had one.

I left that day wishing that I could let every single person who doubts, has been disillusioned, or whose faith is low, that there is a God. His name is Jesus, and last Monday He was at 1600 7^th Ave South, in a small back room of the lab.

My husband Everett, and I took Charlie back to Children’s that Friday to meet with the doctor and also had a new chest x-ray. This confirmed what they had suspected. There were lesions, spots, holes, and fluid throughout both lungs and this was urgent that we find out what is causing this. We were to admit her for extensive testing the following Monday. That brings me to 4 days ago.

First of all, I never knew before that 4 days could feel like 4 weeks. It seems that church last Sunday was months ago. They have run numerous tests, a Chest CT scan, put us in isolation for 2 days, released us from that, and just in time, I might add. This morning I was eating Starburst jelly beans like popcorn and marching around the room for exercise .  Stir Crazy isn’t even an accurate enough description!

With so many of the tests being more blood work, you can imagine the stress level. Our poor sweet Charlie girl! I have watched her though, and been amazed at this precious 16 month old. She is so brave. When they come to draw blood, she starts crying, and fights her way the whole time, sometimes screaming “Mommyyyyy”, but as soon as they are done? She smiles at them, sometimes gives them a high five. And she always curls in my lap after.

This really had me thinking. I think when Jesus said in Matthew 19 to “let the children come to him”, this is one of the reasons. There is nothing….nothing like the faith of a child. To be hurt over and over and over, and not hold a grudge. Still smile. Still give a high five. Still search out a lap for security, and arms to hold close when they feel bad. Now that is faith. That is saying I trust you. I know you love me. I don’t know why this is happening, but I know whose arms I want right now….my mama’s or my daddy’s.

As this week is coming to a close, they have decide to do a lung biopsy on her tomorrow morning to just go right to the source and hopefully have answers for us soon. I wish she didn’t have to go through this. As a parent, it breaks my heart to see her in any pain, and understanding risks and complications, of course makes me worry for her. But the worry fades because  of a look between a mama and her baby girl.

I look into Charlie’s big beautiful brown eyes, and I see nothing but love and trust. She taught me something this week. No matter what I am facing, or how much this is hurting my heart, I too know where to turn. I look to the heavens and smile. I hold no grudges….God is not my enemy….His arms are my refuge. I know He loves me, and He loves Charlie even more than I do. We have no doubts and nothing to fear. Jesus is walking the halls 1600 7^th Ave South tonight where He is surrounded by brave little hearts and faith so strong, that He is going to move some mountains with it!

Have you ever had one of those days where you have so much to do, that you don’t know where to begin? For some, that can result in a spontaneous shopping trip, or worse, just staring at the TV in a zombie like state, with one hand in a bag of Doritos and another in the Oreo’s bag.

That’s kind of how my brain feels right now! It seems there are a lot of heavy, serious, life-issue things that are weighing on it now, and I am too tired to think.  So… I am going to grab a cupcake, a cup of coffee, and share with you all about some recent events that just make me laugh.

Since we first got our girls, let me just say that something as simple as going to the store has completely changed for me! I used to go to Target, get my Iced Coffee, and stroll through, browsing, with occasional eye contact, but rarely any conversation.  Ok, now my trip to the store, is first of all, making sure the store has a 3 -seater cart. Park close to the cart return. Find six shoes, socks a hair bow or two, put them back on my little angels, load them up in my monster cart, and off we go.

Walking through the doors, and bam, we are usually approached within the first 20 seconds. Well, partly it’s because Dakota is waving “Hi Morning!!”, or Charlie is yelling “Hi”, or Addison is just doing the Miss America wave at everyone! Who taught them this? Don’t they know their mama is quiet by nature, a bit of a loner?? Girls, shhhhhhhh…..

No, I really don’t say that. I smile and answer all the questions that big people give to little people but really intending for big people to answer! You know the kind. (Looking at Charlie Grace)…”Well, hi there, cutie. What’s your name? How old are you?”  And so…I answer and thus begins one of my many conversations while at my local superstore.

As you can probably imagine, these simple little interactions have led to some interesting questions, and paths of conversation.  I decided to put together a few of real, honest to goodness comments that I have heard. Hope you enjoy….

Disclaimer: If anyone sincerely asks me questions regarding adoption, fostering, infertility, etc…I am more than happy to talk about it. I love it, actually! These are just some highlights that have made me chuckle.

Comments in the Aisles of Target, Wal-Mart and other establishments with 3 seated carts!

(comments in italics are what I would have liked to say…..)

1. “They are so cute! Do you have any children of your own?” No, I don’t have any biological children. (Ummm, you are looking at them! I bathed them, changed their diapers, I feed them 3 meals a day, stay up all night when they are sick, they call us mommy and daddy, and from the looks of our bank account, they are ours!!)
2. “That one (referring to Addison) looks like she could be yours!” oh yeah….. (REALLY???? You think so???? Most people say that the other 2 do. You should have seen my baby pictures…spitting image of Dakota!!!)
3. “Wowwww….they are all 7 months apart? You have your hands full. (pause) So, did you plan to have them so close together? Oh no, they are all adopted! (Yes, it was very careful planning. We mangaged to do 3 back to back pregnancies in which we coordinated for each baby to be born at 30 weeks.  Don’t I look great!!!??????)
4. “Ohhhhh, they are adopted. So, were you and your husband unable to have children?” yes, but we always wanted to foster and adopt. (Are you, a perfect stranger asking my about infertility issues as I am standing here in the produce section of Wal-Mart??? And NO, we were not unable to have children, since we have 3 that are presently trying to climb out of this cart as we speak.)
5. “Oh, they are adorable! Are they triplets?” Silence on my part, along with a stare…then noooo. (I have no alternative as to what I would have said as this one still leaves me baffled!)
6. My favorite was when my friend had my oldest girl Dakota at Wal-Mart with her one day. A lady stops her and asks the usual about Dakota, and then says “So, is your husband black? My friend replied with a quick-wit that I wish I had “NO!! He’s white! We are still in shock!”

Hope you all have a wonderful day, and if you see a frazzled Swedish, German, Irish, French, American Indian girl with a northern accent and 3 of the most beautiful children on God’s green earth all together at your nearest Target or Walmart, come on over and say hello!!

My girls love listening to music as we are in the truck. One of their favorites these days is “This Little Light of Mine”. Dakota belts it out to the top of her lungs, while I catch glimpses of Addison in the mirror as she is doing some type of worship/interpretive dance! Charlie is just smiling and clapping.

Do you ever wonder why it is you are wired a certain way? My husband Everett often speaks of this as being a God-given thing that we need to embrace. God is the one who gave you the dream, the likes and dislikes, the goals, the ambition. As a matter of fact, he spoke about this just this past weekend at church. I have heard it a lot in our 20 years of marriage, but for some reason when it comes to me, I ignore it. Well, I did until about 2 years ago.

I have always wanted to be a mom, and when life dealt me a crummy deck of cards, I thought I was out of the game. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew I would one day be a mom. Didn’t know exactly how it would play out, but I just knew. We had always wanted to foster and/or adopt, and about 2 years ago, we decided to go for it! We didn’t know what to expect, and certainly never thought in our wildest dreams we would be blessed with the 3 beautiful girls God has placed in our heart and hands.

So, I should be all content and have the SAHM (stay at home mom) warm and fuzzies, right? I should be happy just knowing that I am making a difference in my girls. Why obsess about other causes? Why stay up late at night just thinking, writing, and researching. I should be folding laundry, or packing the diaper bag, or cleaning the floors!! Instead, I am recalling a conversation that I had about 27 years ago.

I was 17 and soon to graduate from high school. Sitting in the counselor’s office at a local college, they asked me what wanted to accomplish by going to college. My answer came quickly. I want to work as a pro bono attorney for abused women and children. My parents always told me to dream big! Well…the counselor decided it was her duty to be frank. I was not eligible for student loans, grants or scholarships, so I would probably need to find another field. I left that day so discouraged, but I thought I had better accept it and move on. So I did. I ended up working my way up in the ophthalmic world and had a good career….without a much desired college education.

Fast forward 25 years…little did I know that when we started the process to foster and adopt that it would ignite these dreams that I thought I had put to rest. What once seemed so far- fetched, ambitious, and elusive now had a face. It had a name, it had an eye color, and it had real tears. I have seen a mothers heart break, knowing she will never hold her child again. I have seen the pain in the eyes of a young abused mother. I have seen her tug at her sleeves to hide the bruises.  I have stood beside a teenage girl as she is told by her father that he doesn’t have time for her. I saw her almost cry, and then, I saw the anger. I have heard a lonely heart cry out for someone to love them.

The other day, I was faced with a tough situation and it began the wheels spinning again. I must do something. I can’t just sit by. There has to be a better way. God, why do you put these things on my heart?? I like it better when I just daydream about a new dessert recipe or my coffee shop I want to open one day!!

I wish I could say that I had answers, or a plan, a goal in mind. I don’t. I am a mom to 3 busy toddlers, and for now they must be my main focus. Although I am not seated behind a table in a busy courtroom, there is a part of me that is still an advocate for these women and children that God continues to somehow place along my path. I cannot petition the courts for their rights, or their best interest, but I am petitioning the Ruler of the universe for their protection.

God, you know where the hurting hearts are. You alone saw their tears today. You hear their whispers in the dark of night. You held their trembling hand until they fell asleep. Grant to us boldness to step into their lives and be the light that they need. Help me not to be so consumed with my world that I fail to see Your world.  And help me to hear Your voice, and really listen and obey. Even if your voice in the form of a 2 year old little girl singing to the top of her lungs “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!!!!” Amen