Almost 2 weeks ago, on a Monday morning, our 16 month old daughter Charlie and I made our way to Children’s hospital for some blood tests. We had gone in the week before for a CT scan of her jaw to make sure a small cyst that had been removed in December was in fact still gone. It was ok, but because she is tiny, part of her lungs showed up in the image. There was concern as there appeared to be spots in the top of both lungs. This caused the radiologist to call the surgeon to call our pediatrician who called us. (Whew! Lots of calls made that day!) We needed to go to see a Pulmonary doctor at Children’s.
So…back to our Monday morning. Here we are getting blood tests as a preliminary to our appointment on Friday. About an hour and a half of waiting, and nap time, by the way, we were finally called back. Charlie looks over at the empty vials and starts crying. I guess she remembered the collapsed vein from a couple of weeks back. Ok, not a good start. 7 vials to get today! For 10 minutes I sang Elmo’s Song, ABC’s, Jesus Loves Me….you name it! I am holding this child so tight, and let me tell you, she was fighting!! I glance over to see…..no blood coming out. Great, another collapsed vein. We move to the other arm, and the wailing, twisting and fighting begins. It was then that a song from years back came to mind and I started singing in her ear “I Feel Jesus….I feel Jesus…I feel Jesus in this place….”. I was almost shocked at how still Charlie became. She just laid her head back on me, and rested for 10 minutes as they continued to draw blood. She rested! With her tears and my tears flowing….I sang and she listened. It was a God moment if I have ever had one.
I left that day wishing that I could let every single person who doubts, has been disillusioned, or whose faith is low, that there is a God. His name is Jesus, and last Monday He was at 1600 7th Ave South, in a small back room of the lab.
My husband Everett, and I took Charlie back to Children’s that Friday to meet with the doctor and also had a new chest x-ray. This confirmed what they had suspected. There were lesions, spots, holes, and fluid throughout both lungs and this was urgent that we find out what is causing this. We were to admit her for extensive testing the following Monday. That brings me to 4 days ago.
First of all, I never knew before that 4 days could feel like 4 weeks. It seems that church last Sunday was months ago. They have run numerous tests, a Chest CT scan, put us in isolation for 2 days, released us from that, and just in time, I might add. This morning I was eating Starburst jelly beans like popcorn and marching around the room for exercise . Stir Crazy isn’t even an accurate enough description!
With so many of the tests being more blood work, you can imagine the stress level. Our poor sweet Charlie girl! I have watched her though, and been amazed at this precious 16 month old. She is so brave. When they come to draw blood, she starts crying, and fights her way the whole time, sometimes screaming “Mommyyyyy”, but as soon as they are done? She smiles at them, sometimes gives them a high five. And she always curls in my lap after.
This really had me thinking. I think when Jesus said in Matthew 19 to “let the children come to him”, this is one of the reasons. There is nothing….nothing like the faith of a child. To be hurt over and over and over, and not hold a grudge. Still smile. Still give a high five. Still search out a lap for security, and arms to hold close when they feel bad. Now that is faith. That is saying I trust you. I know you love me. I don’t know why this is happening, but I know whose arms I want right now….my mama’s or my daddy’s.
As this week is coming to a close, they have decide to do a lung biopsy on her tomorrow morning to just go right to the source and hopefully have answers for us soon. I wish she didn’t have to go through this. As a parent, it breaks my heart to see her in any pain, and understanding risks and complications, of course makes me worry for her. But the worry fades because of a look between a mama and her baby girl.
I look into Charlie’s big beautiful brown eyes, and I see nothing but love and trust. She taught me something this week. No matter what I am facing, or how much this is hurting my heart, I too know where to turn. I look to the heavens and smile. I hold no grudges….God is not my enemy….His arms are my refuge. I know He loves me, and He loves Charlie even more than I do. We have no doubts and nothing to fear. Jesus is walking the halls 1600 7th Ave South tonight where He is surrounded by brave little hearts and faith so strong, that He is going to move some mountains with it!